Sensory Overload

Why do we feel the need to label people who are different? Does it make us feel better about ourselves? Why does everyone feel the need to fit in & be like everyone else? We are so afraid to stand out for fear people will not like us. We worry about this for our children too. When they start to exhibit behavior, such that they do not process things the "normal" way, we fear they will be different or have a harder time in life as they get older. We project our fears onto them - they likely do not care that they are different. We take them to a doctor so we can have them labeled & drugged at an early age so we can say we are doing all we can to make them "normal", whatever normal even means. I remember when Jace was young, 4 maybe, & he was in a Christmas program with his Mothers Day Out class at church. All the other kids were standing still, doing what they were supposed to be doing, but my kid was acting silly, moving around. I was so upset thinking I had failed as a mother because my kid wasn't like everyone else. I had a spirit of suicide back then & it kept showing me horrific ways I should go & end my own life because of it. Then a few years later, the school kept telling me that Jace had ADHD & really needed to be on 'drugs' because he couldn't sit still in school for 8 hours a day in the 3rd grade. We did not do that. I've worked in daycares a lot over the last 30 years. I've dealt with kids labeled ADHD or Autistic. Kids that cannot sit still for hours never bothered me. I remember one boy, he was 12. Sweet kid, labeled with ADHD. Sometimes he didn't take his meds & he was very active, which was never a problem. Sometimes he was violent towards the other kids, which was a problem. It was said that his violent acts were part of his ADHD diagnosis but I believe its a result of poor parenting, failing to teach right from wrong, & disciplining poor behavior. The boy likely learned that nothing he ever did wrong was his own fault, it was the result of his "illness". People who have been diagnosed aren't taught self-control, only that a pill will fix it. Here we are now in a society that takes an injection or pill for weight loss instead of learning self-control. I can't imagine God ever intended for humanity to take a pill instead of learning self-control. We have allowed satan to be in charge because we like what he is selling. And he isn't selling responsibility. Luke had a friend when they were about 10. He drove everyone else crazy because he had so much energy. He was at my house all the time. While he sometimes got on my nerves, he was just a boy! He could have been labeled but his parents didn't think there was anything wrong with him either.

I could have been labeled as Autistic at some point. I get sensory overload. I cannot watch certain things on tv, my eyes & my mind get overwhelmed very easily causing my heart rate to speed up & I get physically sick (before I watch certain things on tv I have to ask my husband or kids if I can watch. When I was younger I'd have to ask my mom or sister). Sounds grate on my senses. Sometimes I can not stand being touched because it feels uncomfortable to my skin. My hair in my face can get to me, my glasses being dirty is infuriating, my gag reflex is overactive, smells affect me greatly, smells are problematic at times. Being in crowded places can be overwhelming, lots of traffic makes me claustrophobic. Things tend to affect my entire nervous system & I can feel things in a way that normies do not. Do these things mean that I do not trust the Lord in all things? Did i say I feel fear? It is because of the Lord that I am able to start understanding why I am like this & what these things mean; why I can shine any light on this at all. Why I am ok with being different when for so many years I hated it.

On the flip side, enjoyable things are even more enjoyable because I feel with my entire soul. The ocean, for instance, is so incredible that its beauty, its might, its wonder brings me to tears. The innocence & awe of babies is overwhelmingly emotional. Thunderstorms raw power is intoxicating. The love I feel for my husband & my kids hurts sometimes because of the intensity in which i feel it. I love people so deeply that it can be terrifying, something the Lord is still working on in me. I feel everything in a way that I do not always understand or know how to process. Thank God my parents didn't drug me, I did it myself when I was 26. I haven't taken anything since my deliverance in 2021, nor do I feel the need; deliverance changed my life. I even lost 20 pounds in the following year because I wasn't eating to feel better; I wasn't feeding the demons.

Being around people is hard because I feel what everyone else feels all the time. I even feel that which they do not know they are even dealing with, a gift that helps very much in deliverance sessions. A little over a year ago I noticed that every time I was around a certain person I felt rejected. It was really hurtful. She is the sweetest, kindest person & was not doing that on purpose, & I realized that. So I prayed & asked the Lord why I always felt so rejected around her. He said, "She is not rejecting you, you are feeling her spirit of rejection." Oh! That made total sense to me. I've dealt with the spirit of rejection in my own soul as well as in nearly every deliverance session I've ever done. Fast forward 8 months to last summer. One morning during my prayer time, not even thinking about this person, the Lord told me it was time to cast the spirit of rejection out of her. I was going to see her that day. I told her how everything happened & she was ready & willing, so we cast it out!

For years, though, I was constantly overwhelmed because I thought I was the one feeling all these emotions all the time. I did not realize that it was my spiritual gift of discernment. 1 Corinthians 12 lists the Spiritual Gifts, one of which is the gift of discernment. Its a gift we know little about, just that people who feel things differently than everyone are to be labeled. Perhaps we snuff out the spirit of discernment when our kids are small because we have no idea how to handle their hearts & minds. We kill the gift God gave them because of our own fears & insecurites. My parents had no idea what to do with me. They tried their best but no one ever knew how to steward my gift of discernment. We have ministered to MANY people who are discerners & have NO idea how to manage their gifts. Most are on meds because that is how society teaches us to manage everything. I was on anti-depressants for 15 years which numbed me so that I didn't feel everything all the time; so that I could just get through the day without so much overwhelming emotion. To know exactly what people are feeling or thinking all the time is hard. To feel when a person doesn't like you, or when they like you too much or the wrong way; to feel peoples hurt, anger, rejection, pain, pride, etc, etc, etc. can be overwhelming; the reason I stay home so much. Made me a great massage therapist because even my hands of the spirit of discernment so I could feel things that many people could not. Sometimes my husband gets so irritated when I know something is wrong with him & I want him to talk about it! He does not want me to feel what he feels, "they're his emotions!"

I cannot turn it off & turn it on. It is a gift from God that He is teaching me to use. Its like He has told me a secret that I am not always supposed to talk about, but it helps me to intercede in prayer for them. And when & if the time comes, He will guide me on how to speak to it. I had to find out who I was, who God says I am so that I can distinguish between the spirits; is it me who is feeling this or is it someone else? Is it demonic, needing to be cast out, or do I just need to intercede? We need more discerners learning who they are so we can steward other discerners rather than labeling & medicating them. Send me, Lord...