A Good Person???

No. I am not a good person. I may appear to be one according to this world but I am not. I sometimes say bad words, I am not very good with people, I am not a good friend (probably because I am not good with people), I am selfish, I am cynical, I am a loner, I make mistakes. If it weren't for people who are "people person's" I wouldn't have any friends. I am not good at just going along to get along, or going with the flow. I do not deal well with the shallow things in life, nor do I suffer fools lightly. But, on the other hand I feel sad that people do not really get to know me. I am quite funny & can be fun to be around. I am not always serious, I am light-hearted & fun loving. I do enjoy people, but mostly people who I feel at peace around, people whom my spirit trusts to allow me to be myself; when I don't have to pretend or be something I am not, because I can't do those things. I gotta be me, the me God made me to be.

I enjoy talking to people of all walks of life. People are fascinating! I love listening to people talk. Jesus agrees with me on both of these things! When people get out of the "group think" & "herd mentality" they really talk much differently & much more intelligently. We have this need to fit in so its easy to fall into thinking & speaking like others, to be accepted & validated. Its harder to be who you are, who you want to be, & be rejected. Rejection hurts. It really is nice for people to have your back & support you. Its even better if Jesus has your back & supports you! I am not sure if many people have my back or support me. I know my family does, my few friends do. But that's ok, because as long as I am in the Lord's will, He always has me! It would be nice to know that people I look up to or respect, love even, had my back. It would be nice for people to give me kudos on things. And maybe that is because my love language is words of affirmation. But whether I get any kudos or not, I will continue living for, & writing for the Lord, & speaking what He wants me to speak. I will be in obedience to Him, & He wants me to write. People who know me, or think they know me, probably think I am confident & don't need any words from anyone else. They know my confidence & strength is in Jesus. Encouragement would still be nice. Where are all those exhorters in the world? LOL! I try to be this because I try to treat people the way I want to be treated - and I would love some encouragement!

Anyway, this post was not supposed to be about my desire for anything, it is supposed to point to my need for a Savior in Jesus Christ. If salvation depended on me being a good person, I have failed. I fail every day, but I keep trying. I keep short accounts with God by repenting every time I need to. I do not have to do it as often as I used to, probably not even daily anymore. But I still have to repent from time to time for sinning or acting contrary to how His words says we should. I try to walk in obedience to Him, because obedience is Christ's love language.

I am not sure what people hold on to so dearly that they are unable to give up in order to be obedient to & follow Jesus. Nothing is worth keeping if it means separation from our Lord. I am not a good person. But I am a little better with Him in my heart & in my life. I know the kinds of things that go on in my head & have to remember that Jesus can hear & see my thoughts. I have to cast down vain imaginations & change my mind regularly. Years ago He asked me what I would do if my every thought had a thought bubble over my head for everyone to see what I was thinking. I was mortified. That alone has taught me to change my thought life. Though I still need to practice & do better. Yet He still has patience, grace, & mercy for me. He still loves me even though I get it wrong & make mistakes. But He know me, He knows my heart is His. He is not giving up on me! And as long as there is breath in your lungs, He won't give up on you either!

Romans 10:9 says to confess with your mouth & believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord & you will be saved. We confess out loud to let the entire spirit realm know whom you will serve. Then comes the part where we read Scripture to find out who Jesus is & how He wants us to live in obedience to Him. The Old Testament tells us who God the Father is - and He is still the same today as He was then. Only now, we have an advocate in Jesus Christ that stands between His people & Fathers wrath. Luckily, God only sees Jesus when He looks at me. Otherwise I would have no chance at salvation or redemption. He is not looking for perfection or religion; He is looking for a relationship with you. He wants to get to know you; He wants you to let Him in & allow Him to be a part of your life. We are flawed. But He isn't. I need Him every minute of every day. He knows everything about me, yet loves me enough to die for me. He thinks that same way about you! While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!