This thing called LIFE...

This morning I had a relatively small outburst that seemingly came out of nowhere, resulting in the spilling of my coffee (YIKES!). I was quite embarrassed & ashamed because this is my time to spend with the Lord & I lost it a little bit. I was sitting with the One who loves me the most, He was right here with me, & I had a little tantrum. But He was so gracious, as always. He started to talk to me, or rather, pull things from me, then said, "This is what I need to write about." So I made another cup of coffee & started to write...

We rarely get to know the impact we have on the life of another. And we rarely know, or can put into words the impact others have on us. The thing about people that always stood out to me was when they are genuinely kind & loving. I always wanted to be like that but had no idea how; I just did could not do it. Kindness was just not part of who I was. I am grateful for people who just naturally have that in them. Two friends from years & years ago, Jamison & Shay, have always stood out to me in the area of kindness. They were always so kind to me, though I had done nothing to earn it, nothing worthy of this kindness. I believed I had no right to any love or kindness in my life so this really impacted me. Perhaps this started to break down some of my walls, or the very least, put a small crack in them. They wanted nothing from me, they were just naturally loving & kind. Genuine kindness is a gift the Lord gave them to serve Him. Their kindness taught me that I want to make others feel the way they always made me feel; the importance of it.

We lived in an RV park with the kids for a year, then again for 6 months. I did not know it at the time, but the Lord was doing such a miraculous work in me. He had me in the valley, teaching me to trust Him, to hear Him, to learn from Him. There were times I hated living in that RV, but looking back it was some of the best times in my life! We went through the plandemic days in that RV Park, which was beautiful & on a lake. The kids spent their days fishing, swimming with gators (would not recommend but, whatever), playing basketball, riding ripsticks, playing video games, climbing trees, just getting to be boys with many other kids who were doing the same thing because no one was in school so there were so many more at this RV park. I met some people who would be vital to my walk with the Lord. Ronda worked at the RV Park; she is such a servant of the Lord. She made an impact on Scooter because she remembered him from the first time he went to talk to her when he was scoping out places to live. She became such a supportive friend to me. We would walk laps & laps around that RV Park, talking about the Lord & about this thing called life. I had no idea how much I would miss her when we moved. I just wanted so badly to get a house & more space, that I really did not see the forest for the trees & what I was benefitting living in that place. We tend to do that, not be appreciative of where we are because we are trying to get to where we think we want to be. I learned so much in those RV Park days that I still carry with me. I still carry my friend Ronda with me,. Though I don't really see her anymore, she has such a special place in my heart!

I met Sheila while living in the RV park. She lived next door & through Ronda, she became a massage client. Sheila became so much more of an important part of my walk with the Lord than I could have ever imagined. We, too, would speak about Jesus, she would invite me to church events, I even worked with her for a short time. She introduced me to Sherrie & the two of them led me through deliverance so that I could walk in the abundant life Jesus said I could. I was not fully healed so I eventually drove Sheila away because I was cruel & unappreciative of her love & friendship. She loved me & I did not know what to do with that yet. My friend, Sherrie, has also been an important part of my deliverance journey & has taught me so much about the Bible & its history. We have a friendship based on Jesus, often spending hours talking about Scripture & life! We always include Jesus in our conversations! Ours is such a blessed friendship! I am learning how to be a friend, something I was not very good at. I also stopped drinking while living in the RV Park & have been sober since 2021!

And of course, my husband, Scooter! He is the sweetest, kindest, most loving person I know! Even when I was cruel to him, he continued to love me. For a time he was able to love enough for both of us. He supports my walk with the Lord & all the ministries that I am involved in. He is encouraging & merciful. He embodies many of the godly gifts that I do not, yet I have many that he does not. Encouragement & mercy are not strong points in my life, though the Lord is helping me with them!

We all have different gifts from God. These people listed have impacted me in certain ways. We hold people in certain regard in our hearts based on how they have made us feel. We may not remember what people say or do, but we always remember how they make us feel. What a lesson the Lord has had to teach me. I try to choose my words more carefully now, that's for sure. Perhaps I have gifts that have impacted people in some way or another. My friends, Mariah & Normelle, have both helped me see that I do have gifts that influence others, helping them to be who they are & to be comfortable with that.

Many people affect us in quite negative ways, but we can learn even from them & the experiences we have with them. It is important that we heal from such things & pray that they receive healing as well. Hurt people hurt people, & I was once a hurt, unhealed person who hurt people. I may still do this but I certainly try not to hurt anyone. The Lord is quick to bring it to my attention when I do & He encourages me to apologize, which is not fun, so I really try to do better!

When I look back, even way, way back, I see the evidence of His goodness all over my life. We see what we want to see. I could choose NOT to see Him everywhere, always by my side, but that would be a lie. I always want the truth, even when it hurts. The truth will set us free, so there is always something good in the truth. I am grateful for those who have made an impact on where I am now in my relationship with Jesus. There are so many more people who hold places in my heart, but Jesus is my best friend, & He gets all the glory, honor, & praise. He saved me, He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He has always been with me. He has always been with you, too! He will never leave you, nor forsake you! I pray for eyes to see & ears to hear the truth, which is Jesus Christ! Just because one may choose NOT to see the evidence of His goodness does not mean it is not there.